“I have been up against tough competition all my life. I wouldn’t know how to get along without it.” – Walt Disney
So, I planned this week to start talking about what it was that I was doing to chase down Captain Hammer, I figure that some of you who are tuning in may be looking for some tips (my approach is pretty common sense) or possibly even inspiration. That plan was derailed when I got the following email:
Hey you tubby bitch,
You know what I hate? A fat guy crying about how hard it is to lose weight and get in shape. Bullshit. Total and complete bullshit. “Oh, thank you everyone! I need your love and support! Working together we are going to get this done!” Sounds like some candy-ass bullshit. A man doesn’t need a support group. A man does that shit on his own. I’m going to show you how a man does it, bitch.
You see, I know why I am fat; I’m inactive and I eat lots of shitty food. It’s an easy fix and I don’t need a fan base to motivate me. I can do that on my own.
As a gamer, and in the interest of keeping in theme with the blog, I’m going use http://www.fitocracy.com . It’s a fitness website for nerds that lets you earn points for your workouts and eventually gain levels and get achievements for getting in shape. Check it out and join the “Pretty Sneaky Sis’ ” group at http://www.fitocracy.com/group/10884/.
We can track our progress which will make it much easier for you to see exactly how bad I am kicking your ass. Speaking of kicking your ass, I guess we need some ground rules. What do you say to weight lost plus level in fitocracy 6 months from now? Call it Feb 1st 2013. Slap bet.
Peace the fuck out – Mike
OK, “Mike,” if that is your real name, and I’m pretty sure that it is, gauntlet thrown. Let’s get a few things clear though. I’ve never shed crocodile tears (of pure Crisco) over the difficulty of weight loss. I also never suggested that I relied on the support of my single faithful reader.
And then you bring my masculinity into question? Pretty boilerplate trash talk, Mike. Surely you can do better than that.
Now that having been said, if you think I’m about to stand by and let you talk shit on me in front of my solitary reader? On my home turf? Fuck THAT noise. You want to play the villain? Cool. I’ll sure as hell be the hero.
So let’s do this shit. Fitocracy makes for a great arena (second only in effectiveness to Thunderdome) and something more nerds should be aware of. Let’s make it percentage rather than strict pound loss though. And I’ll expect you to update for Healthy Gamer Monday. So everyone can see exactly how bad I am kicking your ass. And when the dust settles and I’ve made you my bitch, you can be my +1 at Dale’s wedding. Wear something pretty.
Love and Kisses – Joe
So, uh…yeah. Consider this an inspirational post, I guess? Inspiration comes in many forms, and Mike’s is in the spirit of competition. I’m now involved in three hard timed goals: this challenge, Dale’s wedding and Halloween. And I’ll be damned if I fail at a single one of them. Apparently there’s a Fitocracy group, so feel free to join the fitness sensation that’s sweeping the nation. Fitocracy totally speaks to the nerd in me by giving me levels for accomplishing goals and activities, which should add a bit of nerdy fun. Who doesn’t like leveling up?
EDIT: SON OF A BITCH he already started. I’ve been doing my thing while he’s been gaining levels. I thought we were going to start today together, but what did I expect from the villain? Fair play? Well, no matter. That will make my victory that much sweeter (or put an asterisk next to his).