By the Numbers

By the Numbers Week 2: Asleep at the Gates

This week didn’t exactly start the way I had planned. I’m stil dedicated to the cause even with a stumbling start. I am here and I am updating (even a bit late) and moreover, I am admitting that this week wasn’t exactly a banner week for The Plan (TM).

Arrangements are still being made for my new intake plan. A small snag in said plan is having me rework how to do it. It doesn’t mean I can’t do what I planned to do, just that it will take a bit more work until the routine is established.

Classes are scheduled though and those start next week. I have my lunch hours, and whatever other time I am throwing at this.

So while I didn’t get much (read: anything) done this week, why am I writing here? Because it’s still important. Because I have to stay on myself. Because if I am going to celebrate my victories, I have to shine a light on the ugly spots too. This ain’t no bed of roses as the saying goes.

To that end, here is a bit of new knowledge, knowledge that I have never ever been public about, and even among my inner circle, only a tiny few people are aware of this figure. At my heaviest recorded (which may or may not have  been my actual heaviest) I was 527 lbs. Five Fucking Hundred Fucking Twenty Fucking Seven. Now, I know there are people out there heavier than this. Considerably, even. But that’s a hard number for me to deal with. That’s the kind of weight I associate with some vehicles. That number has been a secret shame of mine, and I am telling the world here. Of course by world I mean 5 of you.

I’m not ready to announce my current weight yet. I still need to build up to that, even though it is a lower number. This was hard enough. Sigh. Next week will be better. See you then.

On the face of her phone
Wileen programs a message to herself
so that when the alarm clock rings,
the screen flashes
Every day is one day less. 
Every day is one day less. 

Jordan tattoos the words “forgive me”
in thick black letters 
down the inside of his arm
so that when he looks down at his wrist
he will remember not to hate himself so much.
What they both keep forgetting
is that there is life after survival. 


One thought on “By the Numbers Week 2: Asleep at the Gates

  1. just for your info, my head is intact…doctor told me to lose more of me…that is all, I read these whether I know anything about the subject is irrelevant…yours in planning too, Dad

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