“If every day you played the board game Risk, you’ve probably never taken a risk in your life.” – Bo Burnham
As my regular six readers know, I am still in this whole “get thin or die tryin” thing. There have been ups and downs both in terms of numbers and emotions. I’ve been trying to incorporate new things like yoga and positivity as fuel as opposed to anger. There are other pieces in progress about those two concepts, but suffice to say, as there has not yet been a celebratory posts about how yoga and self-love saved my life, I am returning to a watering hole more familiar and comfortable to me, which is to say negative reinforcement.
Yeah yeah, studies show this doesn’t work blah blah blah. The truth is, my greatest successes on this path have been borne of self-loathing and fear. There’s an argument to be made about why it is a terrible idea to consciously subscribe to a path that reinforces these things, but bear with me.
If you are a user of Facebook (and only a small percentage of us are too cool for that), then you know that one of the features implemented in the past couple of years are these little reminders of what you were talking about there however long ago. This happened yesterday:
Two things happened when I read this. First, I remembered how I felt when I left the gym that day. I was feeling pretty charged, and I was in a solid swing of positive momentum. One that has largely abandoned me lately. I’m doing pretty good about intake, and I am active, but not nearly as much as I need to be. Like, I’ve lost 8 lbs over the course of several months, and if you ask me, there’s a 10 lb margin of error. This level of effort will at best leave me static, which is thoroughly unacceptable. Secondly, I thought about what that starry-eyed youth would think if he knew where he would be in 3 years in relation to that moment. He’d be disappointed. He’d be sad. And he would be pissed.
And he’d be right to feel all of those things. I let myself down, and I’m not happy about it. We’re always looking for inspiration to do better, and while I am trying (honestly), the whole “I’m doing it because I love myself” or “I want to be healthy and enjoy the perks associated with that” and even “I want to live long to see my daughter grow up” haven’t been working, so I need to hit myself where it hurts. Right in the family jewels.
By “family jewels” I do not mean I am going to start punching myself in the sack. Before the term was largely accepted as a synonym for scrotum, it meant an heirloom. Literally, a thing of value that would pass down through generations. I do not have jewels or other precious minerals, but I do have a dragon’s hoard of games. They are my preciouses, and I am very protective of them.
I may not be able to get my ass on the elliptical for self-love. I’m struggling to get myself to walk a few miles in the interest of being healthy. But I’m willing to bet that if the threat of my collection being pillaged were there, it would light the fire I need.
So here’s the deal. I am working up exactly the rules for how I want to do this, but the base idea is that I am going to open a window of opportunity for new followers here (because I feel there would be even more incentive if I knew there were more eyes on me, much as I generally dislike that notion), and conscript a neutral third party to monitor and enforce my progress. Every day that I do not turn in at barest minimum 30 minutes of intentional exercise (read: exercise for its own sake), I will give away a game at random from my collection to a follower. I am compiling a master list of my collection on BGG, and I will use a random number generator to decide what goes. In this way, I can’t justify “eh, I can skip today, I don’t even like (insert game name) that much”. Any day I don’t work out could be the day that I lose my copy of Chaos in the Old World signed twice by Eric Lang. Deciding “I don’t feel like it” could cost me my Argent: The Consortium.
I just literally felt my stomach turn typing that, which is probably a good sign. So spread the word, if you want the chance to score Free Games From Fatty (TM), become a subscriber to my house of scribbles. This also means I will have to update more frequently. I won’t be doing every day because I don’t like the idea of stopping here to write every single day “I WORKED OUT TODAY, STOP CIRCLING ME YOU FUCKING VULTURES” but maybe a weekly update to say “Yay! I get to keep my games!” or “Fuck it all, I am giving away 2 games this week. The lucky winners (and recipients of my most intense scowl) are…”
The funny part here is that I expect a fair number of new people to hope I fail. Sure, there will be cheerleaders, and I hope that you all would love to see me not have to give away anything, but let’s be honest, there are some that will be watching me with greedy eyes who will be disappointed with any sweaty success I have.
So, rules to come. I need some provisions to cover injury, inability to devote time for reasons outside of my control, hows of shipping (I will probably ask that non-local winners pay shipping because fuck me, I’m already losing a game), etc. etc. In the interests of not having a bunch of people waiting around for nothing, I will also give away a game (of my choice) when I hit a milestone. I would totally not mind if there were any parties who wanted to donate a game or two to this noble side of the cause.
I’m taking this to a new level, I am literally playing for keeps. I can’t believe I’m getting ready to publish this, but if this doesn’t work, nothing will.
Opening for new followers will be good til 4/30/16.